Warning: Eden,if you ever decide to look up my DA, do not read this, because you will likely hate me for writing it,let alone putting it on the internet, and let's not even mention comparing you to other human beings; but God knows, you're soooo unique. Warning to everyone else: this post is comprised fully of emotional break downs, cuss words, estrogen, rage, hate, pain, sadness, pushing people awayness, and tons upon tons of good old ketchup. Just kidding, no ketchup.
So evidently Eden hates me now. That's nice. She won't tell me why, either. I don't know why, but this only bothers me a little bit. It's like it was the last straw in my life. Which feels wrong, because my life actually hasn't been that bad lately. I'm sick of everyone. I'm sick of everyone who's in love with me. They're so foolish, so wrong. They don't have no idea what I am. I'm a monster, and these people who think they know so much about me, and so much about monsters, they are oblivious. It's sickening to watch. Like a train wreck in a movie. You watch it happening in sick, horrified fascination, knowing full well what will happen, and you can't turn away. I'm sick of all the people who hate me. They have no purpose in my life, they have no reason to be there; they should not be there. So why they can't just go fuck themselves, I do not know. I'm sick of everyone who pretends to know me. Hugging me, touching me, telling me over and over that they love me and we should hang out sometime. A huge group of people, oblivious to who I am, to what I am, to how I got this way, to the part they play in this sick life of mine. I'm sick of everything. Of smoking, of cutting, of burning, of hate, of fear, of pain, of crying, of questioning. I'm so sick. So now Eden hates me, actually. And evidently we're no longer friends. At the same time, Laura is ranting me out in the next window about how much she hates savannah and how Cara is choosing Savannah over her, so she feels insecure about herself, and since Sara left Angie in charge of Laura and Dan, she's begun to hate Angie, because Angie is PMSing and a controlling, soccer mom type, on drugs. I think it hit me at that second that I hate girls. All of them. Any of them. Eden is like this. She insists that she's different, and everything about her agrees. The way she talks, the way she dresses, the way she thinks, the way she just holds her heart out in the palm of her hand to strangers walking by. She's so innocent, so broken. I never thought I would say this, but
she's exactly like every other girl in the world. she's emotional, she gets attached to small, simple things. She gets upset over small things. When she's upset, she's emotional. Girls in general are emotional balls hatred waiting to happen. Unstable, unsure, complex and confusing. I like boys. They're clean cut, plain and simple. They know what they think, and I know what they think. I understand them, I relate with them, all of my friends now are boys. Girls hate me. I hate girls. I'm sick of pondering Eden. Wondering if she's ok. If she likes this person, or does she like this person more? Evidently she doesn't actually like this one guy, I just thought she did because she ranted about how cute and nice and amazing he was, and how they were going on a date. So it's normal for girls to talk that way about someone/go on a date with someone they don't like as more than a friend? Fuck, I didn't know that. Well there goes everything I've been trying to figure out for the last three years. So all this drama shit
is really getting to me. I hate drama. I hate the hyper sensitive BS that girls carry around in a poison cloud around themselves. It's not that I hate people who are hypersensitive. Hell, I am hypersensitive. I hate people who won't tell me what the frick is up with them. That's something Wes and Eden share. When they're upset about something, it shows in how they act. They refuse to talk about whatever it is; you have to pry it out of them. And if you don't, they later accuse you of not caring about them, because not being willing to pummel Edens rock hard turtle shell with a questions means I don't care about her. Well that's lovely. That goes over really well. GOD. If you're going to act all closed up, personal, and pissed off when someone asks you questions about what's wrong, don't be fucking offended when they stop asking what's wrong! I'm so pissed off right now it isn't funny. This needs to stop. I suppose I'm being selfish and disgusting to the world out there. Blocking out a whole gender of people
as friends. I suppose I AM a monster. Well, fuck whatever you think of me, I fucking hate girls.